i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
