oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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