508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
