I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you would pick up someone in the library
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
