You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
