I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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