I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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