Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
