She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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