don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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