my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
