she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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