if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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