we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
