Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
