i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
