That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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