We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
