Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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