JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
