DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
