I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
