She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
