Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
