It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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