I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
