So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
