he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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