Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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