I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i don't like sucking hair
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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