I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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