I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
