Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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