He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
