i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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