they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
