That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
