Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
