we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
