i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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