I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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