you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
