I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
