The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
