dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
