he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
