my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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