nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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