come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
