I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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