so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
