Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
