i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
