My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
