I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
